My Life is a Beauty
I want you to close your eyes for a second right now. Let go of everything and just think back to any of your joyous moments, memorable events, anything that gives you an ecstatic feeling. I know it could be hard for some of you but don’t worry. It’s going to be okay. Take a deep breath and exhale out every ounce of pressure from school or work or personal problems.
Unclench your fists and relax your eyes; don’t force them shut. Actually, do it like you’ve just ended a long day and you just want to get some peaceful sleep. What were the events you remember? Was it that time when loved ones threw you something grand for a special occasion? Or maybe that one day you came home with all As on your report card and next to them were positive remarks from your teachers?
Perhaps your first kiss? Your first ever relationship after finally getting that one guy or girl you’ve been crushing on to date you in the end?
In the end, one can recall such beatific events, reflecting right there right before your eyes in a colorful kaleidoscope of recordings.
Okay, now I want you to set them aside and think of the down moments you’ve had. Anything that have impacted you in every worst possible way. Maybe experiencing your first break up, getting fired from a job, or your parents broke it down to you that they’re getting a divorce.
Take the things you’ve exhaled out and inhale them all in; absorb each and every hardship into your mind and watch them again.
It hurts doesn’t it? It forces you to cry and remember about the so many mixed emotions you had: your rage, your immense sadness and heartache. Each memory made you feel as if there’s no more hope, no light, only emptiness devoured you whole down to the abyss where there’s nothing. Blinded so with caliginosity, it’s hard to pick yourself up.
Take my hand.
I want to say I’m sorry. I thought I understood a person. I always say “I feel you” when I have no idea how you felt it, how they affected you both internally and externally, despite me constantly telling you that I’m here for you; that I will listen to your troubles. But that’s just it, isn’t it? I can only listen. I don’t know why I keep on telling you “I feel you” or “I’m sorry…” because I know they’re meaningless. They don’t make things better for you.
Yes, I’ll say them but you know already that I have no idea. Yet, if I don’t reply, I feel as if you’re going to be angry because you’ll get this idea that I don’t care for you or that I’m just listening and not giving you any advice.
But what can I say really? The usual words I say.
“I feel you”
What can I do besides supplying comforting yet empty words? They’re only temporary replacements to make up for what I have to say to you. Even if I pour my feelings to them, I suffer this guilt because I honestly have no idea what you’re going through.
Now that you’re so far away, I can’t reach out to you. My arms are not long enough, my screams are not loud enough, and my heart craves for you. The things I experience now seem not of importance anymore. Did I have to have a connection in order to be noticed? Don’t ignore me.
I may have moved but please listen to me. You notice me, everyone does, but I’m quickly overshadowed by your own problems, knowing they’re worse than mine. I need help too, you know. You say I’m lucky because of what I have. But truly, I’m also suffering like you. I, too, have cried and was beaten down emotionally back then that I’ve already gotten used to it. Therefore, I don’t show that other dark side of me to people. When I do, they care. Yet when they say things that are suppose to make me feel better, sometimes the words go too far in my defense and it becomes painful to even hear them.
The people I have in my life may have affected me that way nevertheless, that doesn’t mean they’re to be bad mouthed. I say those insults because I’m letting out what how I feel every single time they do something negative in my life. However, don’t just belittle those people because truthfully speaking, they’ve shaped the person I am right now.
You see, despite the mixed feelings I’ve felt, the trials I had to face, the pressures of school, I try to see that my life is a beauty. See the positivity rather than the negativity, which is a sight that’s, unfortunately, thrown away by all of us.
We only see the bad things that are happening, and we come to a conclusion that that’s our life now. But then what’s the purpose of living and breathing if that’s only our view of the world? For example, If you’re a student with strict parents, generally speaking in their point of view, grades are more important than anything else right? And then you complain and cry about it, that you’re studying so hard but not get the grades you deserve?
My friend and I once conversed about this. She told me maybe I’m not using my time well enough when I’m suppose to get things done (things meaning homework and studying). I was ranting during that time about how my mom was putting so much pressure on me. I believe my friend is right. Teenagers are absorbed nowadays in media, phones, friends, and all kinds of other distractions. Obviously, the more one focuses on those things, then his or her grades will eventually feel the impact of their action. It’s not the end of the world! There always will be an answer and a solution to a conflict!
Generally speaking, we all have our ups and downs. I may not come to understand your situation or what you’re going through right now, but what I’ve always wanted to say in addition to my temporaries, “Just be lucky…” See the positivity of your life rather than the negativity. Ask for help and be thankful for living at this very moment because you are surrounded by people who care for you dearly, even if they are your strict parents. You are not unloved, uncared for, nor disposed of. In return, be considerate of the feelings of other people for you may not know their suffering as well as you do.
Remember, there’s an answer/solution to an atrocious situation so don’t think that one will make your world come crashing down.
So pick yourself up, change your ways, and move on.
#StandUp #taeyeon #I #inspiration #don’tgiveup #hanabanaboba #teens #friendship #hardships #positive