It’s easy to fake a smile. To be able to smile for the sake of others was something I’ve been doing in order for the other person to be happy. I’ve always put everyone’s happiness first before me. There were times when I wasn’t able to contain that well, and my selfishness was oozing as I watched them laugh while standing here in the back, witnessing it all.
It’s easy to fake a laugh. To be able to laugh for the sake of others has also been something I’ve done for some time now. In my mind, I’ve created a perfect illusion of me always laughing and my friends are just beside me. We would have fun and go around places knowing everything is alright.
It’s not easy to mend the pieces of my heart as they shatter like glass pieces.
You just can’t.
It’s not easy to hide everything from everyone. It’s like swallowing a lump of sand that you just want to throw it all up but you have to swallow it all. That’s what it feels like to me. Watching this world and be able to touch the leaves while walking up a bridge, my eyes may fake a smile but my heart is damaged.
People say I smile and laugh a lot. That’s true I do. But sometimes when there’s a scenario I’m put into, there’s going to be fakeness here and there. A fake smile, a fake laugh, and that fake twinkle in my eyes.
It’s not easy. It’s hard because these real emotions, bottled up and locked somewhere deep in my heart, are never opened. They were supposed to be kept in there until then. No one should ever look at them or sense them.
But little did I know, someone already had the key to open that bottle up. And out came my true feelings, out came my desire for happiness, out came my jealousy, my envy, my fear, and myself.
So, here I am.